“Like delicately seasoned steak tartar…”

There is good news, there is great news and then there is the news that big wave champion Billy Kemper is joining OnlyFans. That sort of news that tilts the world on its very axis. The Maui raised Kemper, thirty-four, is known for his epic Jaws performances as well as his smoldering good looks and will certainly be a welcome addition to the popular internet subscription service.

Per the PR inquiry, Kemper “plans to use his platform on OnlyFans to share exclusive content around his training and also share his thoughts on the US Open competition.”

As thirsty surf fans know, the annual Huntington Beach bacchanal officially gets underway on August 5th. Long Beach’s Sublime will be headlining the musical portion of the show leading many to imagine another glorious riot to add to a long-ish list of glorious riots.

Fun.

Back to Kemper, though, as a four-time Jaws winner, his insight into the competitive nuts and bolts of Huntington Beach, its bathymetry etc. will be more than welcome. Do you have a horse in that race or will you be mainly focused on the Olympics, which just so happen to be running concurrently?

I am in Paris covering the Games, as you know, just down the street from the USA House, as it happens. I heard a rumor that victorious surfers will be flown the 10,000 from Tahiti to the City of Light and I very much look forward to showing them around. I’ve already discovered a favorite bistro that Vahine Fierro and Joao Chianca will undoubtedly enjoy. Those are my picks for gold, by the way. Silvers will go to John John Florence and Brisa Hennessy. Bronzes to Jack Robinson and Molly Picklum.

Back to the bistro, though, I had the most delicate steak tartar of my life and foie gras that, truly, inspired. Any of the above Olympians will relish twice as much as they will have been eating poisson cru, only, for the past two weeks.

Like wandering through the maze of OnlyFans and stumbling upon Billy Kemper.

Inspired.

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