I help men understand their sexuality with my OnlyFans

It was getting late into the evening when a message popped up from a new fan, Ben* 

He asked me whether I was available to chat, which I was, then he asked me how my day had been.

I appreciated the small talk but sensed that he was waiting for the right moment to request a picture. 

However, after exchanging a few more messages, it became clear that he just wanted to get something off his chest…

‘I’m straight,’ he said. ‘But I came across your profile not realising you were trans.’

This is not the first time this has happened to me.

For context, I’m 5ft6in with size double-D boobs and a bum Kim K would be jealous of. On paper, I’m a straight man’s dream.

That is until they realise I have a manhood that’s probably bigger than their own!

And that’s what prompted Ben to message me.

He explained that, the more of my content he saw the more he couldn’t stop watching and how this had caused him to be confused about his sexuality for the first time ever.

‘I don’t really know what to do with this feeling.’ He confessed

Once again, this is not an unusual occurrence. I actually get these types of messages quite a lot from men who have always thought they were 100% hetero (not that I believe there’s any such thing).

More often than not they have either come across my profile or have fallen across some transgender porn and liked it, which then leads to them looking for more – and how they find me.

I shared this with Ben in the hopes it made him feel more comfortable to know he is not alone – it seemed to.

Yet no matter how many men slide into my DMs, these confessions never fail to make me feel frustrated and sad that society has made them feel like they can’t be more open about their feelings, but also happy that have found me and the courage to reach out. 

Men are curious creatures. They like things that are taboo and a little bit different. 

To them I am that forbidden fruit.

But I want men to know that it’s OK to be curious. I want them to be able to free themselves of the guilt and shame that they have hanging over them for even considering whether they might be questioning their sexuality or wanting to explore something different from the ‘norm’. 

Growing up, I never felt like I belonged but I didn’t really know why.

I was always into the more feminine side of things – I was a classic case of wanting to play with Barbies and wear dresses, yet I was always told that ‘boys shouldn’t do those things’.

And though my parents are great and very accepting now, there was a time when they were quite dismissive of my confusion, pretending that it was just a phase, or that I might be gay. 

Of course I knew it was deeper than that.

Yes, I was attracted to guys, but I knew I was in the wrong body too. This male body wasn’t me.

I would have loved to have someone to speak to that could understand how I was feeling, but a lot of the time I had to navigate my feelings alone. That in turn took a long time and a lot of courage to fully accept and embrace my true self.

Fortunately, content creation was a huge part of this journey for me.

I began posting on Instagram as a way to express myself and connect with others who might be on similar journeys in finding themselves. I wanted to create a space where I could share my story, inspire others, and also meet new people.

While this happened, I also seemed to attract a large following of men who were into my spicier content, so I thought why not monetise it. 

Between the positive attention and being miserable in an admin job at the time, I saw OnlyFans as the perfect opportunity for me.

It took me a little while to find my feet with what works on OnlyFans and what doesn’t, however after about six months something clicked and I felt like I found my niche and I found my people.

I quickly learnt what my fans wanted and was able to build a solid fanbase slowly. Eventually I was able to quit my full time job and start making some serious money on the adult platform.

It was an adjustment for everyone – my parents, for example, were naturally against it to begin with. I think they were worried about the reaction I would get from people on the site, but also if people who knew our family found out I was on there.

Obviously there is a lot of stigma surrounding content creation, but being on OnlyFans has truly done wonders for my confidence and overall happiness. 

But probably one of the things I find most fulfilling is helping people who are still trying to find themselves. 

I hope these conversations help my fans, but if I’m being completely honest, they help me just as much. 

Speaking to people like Ben – who openly admitted to the fact that my not having had bottom surgery but still having a feminine allure is attractive to him – never gets old for me. It’s reassuring for me to hear people compliment my body and it makes me feel wholly accepted.

Of course, there will always be judgement and nasty comments from a select few, but instead of taking every comment to heart (like I used to) I try to understand what they might be going through personally.

I’ve even reached out to a few of my trolls and I discovered that they do it not because they hate me or my body, but because they hate themselves for liking me.

For that reason I don’t ever hold someone’s bad words against them. I am always open to speaking with anyone who’s feeling this way because I know first hand how lonely and confusing the journey to self acceptance can be.

Everyone has their own journey with their sexuality and it’s OK to speak about it. And if my little corner on OnlyFans can help someone with that, then I think it’s money well spent.

*Name has been changed

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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