It started as a shocking internet stunt. Now, it’s a massive cultural conversation.
Over the past week, social media has exploded with discourse about Lily Phillips − a 23-year-old woman in London, who has made headlines for having sex with 100 men in 24 hours and chronicling it for her OnlyFans, a website where people pay to view exclusive, and often pornographic, content. Phillips has since announced her plans to undergo a similar stunt, but with 1,000 men in a day.
Filmmaker Josh Pieters followed Phillips as she prepared for her 100-men-in-a-day stunt, capturing her thoughts going into it, as well as the emotional aftermath, in a documentary. That documentary, which he uploaded to YouTube Dec. 7, has gotten more than 5 million views and ignited passionate reactions.
In conversations with Pieters, Phillips says she considers herself a feminist and talks about destigmatizing the word “slut:” “I do what I want and I do it because I enjoy it… I’ve only ever felt empowered by the fact that I am making money off something that, I think, guys will do anyway. Guys are always going to sexualize me so I may as well try to profit off of that a bit.”
Unsurprisingly, not everyone agrees with Phillips’ world view. One TikToker, in a video with 5.5 million views, characterized Phillips’ actions as a form of sexual self-harm.
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“It is a damning indictment of our society that we see a young woman engaging in dangerous (behavior) and struggling mentally while putting herself in these harmful situations — and we merely scoff and declare that she deserves it,” one X user wrote in a post with 3.1 million views.
Mental health experts we spoke to say the documentary and the ensuing responses to it speak to our culture’s complicated and often contradictory views toward sex. They add the documentary also raises important questions about what motivates people to pursue extreme sexual acts.
“It’s intentionally extreme, right? It’s meant to be attention-seeking,” trauma and relationship therapist Jordan Pickell says. “When folks are looking at someone’s choice to do an extreme sexual act, in this case, there’s curiosity, and there’s concern of, what is the impact? And also, what is maybe in this person’s history that led to them making this choice?”
What the Lily Phillips discourse says about us
The reactions to Phillips’ stunt have been harsh, with people sharing wide-ranging views on what such an extreme act may mean for society or our culture.
“Lily Philips is a victim of the patriarchal society that believes porn and prostitution are empowering,” one X user wrote. “Sorry feminists, #LilyPhillips is not a victim,” wrote another. As another put it: “Men who use OnlyFans, pay for sex and are porn consumers are responsible for the Lily Phillips’ of the world. If you think what happened to her is sad and disturbing, which it is, I hope you are also considering how your choices and behaviour are what create the Lily Phillips’ of the world.”
To Pickell, some of the reactions have missed the point. Rather than scrutinizing Phillips’ character, she wishes the conversation focused more on what healthy decisions around sex should look like.
“I wish that this was a conversation about consent and what empowered sex looks like and what safer sex looks like,” she says. “Instead, it’s about picking apart one woman’s sexual choices, which feels very regressive.”
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Psychotherapist Stephanie Sarkis says the strong reactions reveal fraught views of sex within society, where people have strong disagreements over what sex is appropriate and what sex is not.
These issues have been discussed and debated since long before Phillips; however, in the wake of Phillips’ documentary, they’ve become more heated.
“The commodification of sex is not new, but our beliefs about it can be very polarized,” Sarkis says. “It makes sense that society is having very different views of this, because that is representational of our different views about sex.”
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Sarkis adds that, in all likelihood, sparking conversation may have been Phillips’ goal all along, as doing so boosts her public profile and, ultimately, drives more people to her OnlyFans.
“Polarizing things get more views, which makes more money,” Sarkis says. “The more views she gets, the more she earns from it.”
Lily Phillips and why people attempt extreme sex acts
Perhaps the most talked about part of the documentary is the ending. Shortly after having sex with 100 men, Phillips reflects on the experience in a conversation with Pieters − and bursts into tears.
She says she feels like she disappointed some of the men who participated. She also says she doesn’t remember most of the shoot because she was disassociating, a common response to trauma.
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Many online have latched onto this part of the documentary as evidence of Phillips’ regret − that deep down she believes she made a mistake. Phillips, however, has said otherwise.
In an interview with TMZ, Phillips chalked up her tears to mere exhaustion after a long day. She also said she was getting prodded with questions by the camera crew during this time, which felt “overwhelming.”
“It was just very intense,” Phillips told the outlet. “It was a very stressful day.” She declined USA TODAY’s request for further comment.
Pickell says it’s impossible to know for sure what was going through Phillips’ mind or what prompted her tears; however, in general, people may be driven to extreme sex acts for unhealthy reasons.
“Trauma can be a big motivating factor to do an extreme act,” Pickell says. “Some ways that it could play out is, one, looking for validation and belonging.”
People who have experienced trauma may also seek out extreme sex acts as a means of reenacting their trauma in an effort to make sense of it or feel power over it.
And “that’s likely to be a problem, because you’ll be reenacting it rather than processing it,” relationship therapist Philip Lewis says. However, that’s not the case for everyone. “Other people just enjoy the excitement, the dopamine rush, doing something outlandish or extreme,” he adds.
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Pickell says it’s important for people to discern which sexual acts align with their values. Often, she says, people may engage in things that at the time feel harmless, only to realize much later that participating in them did damage to their mental health.
“In my years as a therapist, I have worked with sex workers who, in the moment, made a choice and, only in therapy years later, looking back and realizing their underlying motivation for it, (recognize,) ‘Oh, that was actually traumatizing,” she says. This is why it’s so important, she says, to check in with your body about how something actually makes you feel and to pay attention to any sensations that may tell you something is not right.
While we can’t be sure of Phillips’ true thoughts or feelings, Sarkis says her emotions at the end of the documentary do raise an important question.
“It’s part of her business model, but at what cost to her?” she says. “And I say that based on her reaction at the end of the documentary. At what cost to her?”
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