Ordinarily I would never use the awesome power of the platform I am given here to endorse a candidate for public office. The vast majority of the time, that would be a dereliction of my duty to my employers. The nice multi-hundreds-millionaire who owns this place has the Fuck You money to talk politics. But that water-view roof deck I’m planning on Stately Thornton Manor is going to require financing.
Besides, I’ve seen too much to have much faith in any career politician. Too many trust funders who went to boarding school throwing on brand new flannel shirts for the first time in their lives and trying to pretend to like corn dogs for the cameras at some fair in Iowa. Too many guys butchering sports terms and athletes names because their handlers tell them it tests well with the Joe Sixpacks in their focus groups. After a while, they all sound like Kang and Kodos to me:
Like a lot of disaffected voters, the last time a politician’s speech inspired me, a President was giving a pep talk to a bunch of amateur pilots who were about to take down an alien mothership.
But today, all that changes. Because we’ve found THE candidate for what’s ailing this country. The right person at exactly the right moment in history. Meet Angela Jones, candidate for state senate in Michigan:
Source – REAL News Michiana has learned a Democrat candidate for the Michigan’s 37th State Representative District recently deleted a pornography profile that she maintained on the amateur porn website known as Onlyfans.com. On her profile, 42-year-old Angela Jones would charge people money to gain access to graphic videos and pictures showing her having sex, masturbating and posing nude. Sources have provided several of those photos and videos to RNM from her profile where she went by “AngiMonique”. We have gallery at the bottom of this story with redacted pictures to cover up the State Rep. candidate’s private parts. However, many of the photos are still available on various websites across the internet. …
RNM reached out to Jones for comment regarding her recent history of having sex on camera for money. She responded to our phone call with a text.
“Hi Clifton. You’re just now finding this out? I’ve been public about it for two years. Pretty sure everyone already knows about it and they don’t care. Why don’t you use your platform to do actual good for the community instead of just attacking people. I wish you well.” Jones wrote.
What a response! Just perfection. As political rhetoric goes, that is right up there with “Ask not what your country can do for you,” “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall” and Rocky Balboa ending the Cold War from a boxing ring in Moscow. This is the kind of leadership we need, regardless of what Mrs. Jones stances are on any particular issue.
As far as that part about “many of the photos are still available on various websites,” that is true. I supposed I’d be well within our editorial guidelines if I posted the redacted ones here. But instead I’ll err on the side of caution. I refer you to that link above. As well as this one, which is Angela polling the electorate. This one, where she’s inspiring at least one voter with her oratory skills. And this gallery, standing up (in the shower) for what she believes in.
You decide for yourself. And if you’re in Michigan, vote your conscience. But just consider how you could be doing America a great service by getting the rocket of Angela Jones’ political career off the launch pad. Think about how incorruptible she is. Who could control her? Is some foreign power going to try and control her? Will some shady Deep State agency come along to ruin her? Would some special interest try and blackmail her? How? She’s already put herself out there. Once you’ve taken your husband to the top of Bone Mountain and flicked the bean for the pleasure (and disposable income) of thousands of strangers, what can anybody do to you? She is in total control of her life.
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And even if she doesn’t get elected, she has an even more lucrative career in front of the webcam than she did before. You can’t buy this kind of publicity, and the outraged news media is giving it to her for free. Angela Jones or AngiMonique, she has my (pardon the word choice) full-throated endorsement.
My only political advice as your unpaid campaign manager? Keep the glasses. They work for you.
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